I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i drank out of a bidet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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