I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
