My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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