And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
