I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize