Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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