Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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