I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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