I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
