i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
