Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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