everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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