You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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