he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
