i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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