Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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