between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize