either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
