So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
