Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
