i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
