I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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