I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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