This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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