I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
