btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
now i know why i became what i already was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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