vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
