im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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