If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
