I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
