You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize