Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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