After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
