I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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