She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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