You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
