One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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