she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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