Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
