last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
