wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
where are my eyebrows?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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