he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
