I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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