She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
