so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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