if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
