Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
