the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
