Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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