2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
