So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
