Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
