She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize