i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
