i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize