Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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