i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i barfeds in our rink
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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