Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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