She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize