Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
