so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize