I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
organizing the empties. That sober.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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