I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
