Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
