operation harelip BJ is a go
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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