either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
