If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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