Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
