tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
