just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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