I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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