I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
