Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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