your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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