Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
