Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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