"it" just moved
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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